Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Misconception of Conception

I honestly never thought conception would be such a wearisome task for me. I come from a very large Extremely large family and procreation seemingly wasn’t a problem. In fact, the theory in our lineage was if someone was pregnant; expect two more babies to follow as we come in three’s. So imagine my anguish when I miscarried not once but three times (2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic). The first one took place while I was living in New York, the Mr. in Atlanta and way before the nuptials. Yes, of course I wanted the "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage", but it didn't happen that way. Nevertheless, I was so elated to know that I was bringing life into this world. Well that was short lived due to a late term miscarriage at 15 1/2 weeks. I was in utter shock, disbelief and hurt to the core but Mr. remained strong  for both of us throughout that traumatic ordeal. The love and support from him really helped bring me out of my funk.

Me in ATL happy and 14 weeks pregnant
The second miscarriage happened really fast. I found out I was pregnant in October of 2009 and before the month was up, I was in the emergency room with yet another nurse informing me that I had miscarried. The thrill was gone before I even got on the ride. I grieved a little but got busy and continued on my journey. I found out I was pregnant again on New Year’s Eve 2010 (Fertile Myrtle..I know). What a fabulous way to bring in the New Year by celebrating life. My hormone levels were normal and doubling like they were supposed to; I was so overjoyed. I filled my DVR with episodes of Special Deliveries, A Baby Story, Birthday and all other pregnancy related shows. Not to mention the books and pregnancy journals I purchased. I just knew this time would be different. I knew this one would make it outside of the womb and call me Mommy. Well our celebration was short lived because a few days later, I had severe pain on my right side. On a scale of 1-10 the pain was about an 8. It was at that moment I knew something was wrong. I went to the ER and found out the baby was in my right tube. He or She never completed their journey. I was so heartbroken and in complete denial until the pain came back and forced me to believe what the doctor’s were telling me. After two weeks and two failed methotrexate injections (Medication to dissolve the pregnancy), the baby continued to grow rapidly in my tube. My doctor had no choice but to perform surgery to remove the pregnancy. Thankfully my tube did not have to be removed. The surgery went well and I recovered physically in a few days.

Out of all of the pregnancies the ectopic was by far the worst. It was the fear of the unknown and the possibility of losing my fertility for good.

About a month ago I was giving a clean bill of health from my doctor. Everything is in place and working the way it should. We will start trying for a mini B & B really soon.

My perception about conception was all wrong. Based on the number of pregnant teens in my high school I just thought, you have sex, you get pregnant, you have a baby....point blank.


While researching an educating myself on possible conditions I came across some alarming facts:

  • 6.2 million women between the ages of 15 and 44 are diagnosed as being infertile;
  • 40% of infertility is caused by female factor, 40% is caused by male factor, and 20% is caused by a joint male and female factor; and
  • Only one third of women of African descent who face this issue seek treatment.
So we haven’t giving up or even allowed the past mishaps to consume our lives.
I found this quote on The Broken Brown Egg Foundation Facebook fan page (A foundation whose goal is to encourage African Americans to talk about this topic so that those dealing with fertility concerns and reproductive health issues won't feel so alone, through humor, activism, and hope):
"To make a great omelet, you have to be willing to break a few eggs."
So simple but so true.

Ok, publish....I'm so happy I shared this.


  1. Thanks for sharing! It just makes you realize even more that you can't take for granted the blessings in having a child. I am so sorry for your losses, but I know you will be a wonderful mother when the time comes to have your little bundle of joy :) You are a true inspiration to others!

  2. It will happen for you, just don't give up.

  3. I really appreciate your story. I was 7 when my first of three siblings was born and watched my mom go through secondary infertility. It was very vivid in my mind from a young age that I might have to go through the same thing.

    Your quote really struck a chord with me too: "Based on the number of pregnant teens in my high school I just thought, you have sex, you get pregnant, you have a baby....point blank."

    When it was time to consider conception last year I was nervous about either it happening super fast or taking very long and spent a couple months at various doctors' offices making sure I was ready to conceive as I have lupus as well.

    Although I'm pregnant with my first now, I still get nervous about the possibility of secondary infertility as my mom had, but I know that what matters is that we try.

    I will keep you in my prayers are you continue your journey towards motherhood =)

  4. I'm sad this has happened to you, but I know it's only made you such a strong person and you've got soooo much love to give that sweet little baby when he/she does come. I'm definitely keeping you and DH in my prayers!

    I really love your blog, Brandi. It's personal, funny, sweet, and endearing. Thanks so much for sharing yourself in this way. We are along the adventure with you!

  5. Keep doing the right Brandi. God is building character in you, and you are passing that test. Remember, the greater the struggles, the greater your reward will be. I will continue praying for you and your husband!

  6. Love! Love! Love! this post.
    Not the circumstances surrounding it, but the courage behind writing it. The strength to not only give an account but to provide a picture, literally and through words, of what is going in a lot of homes right now is commendable. THANK YOU FOR BEING A VOICE.
    Thanks for visiting The Broken Brown Egg, too. I really appreciate it.
    You have my prayers and my hope.


  7. So sorry for all of the lose that you have been through.
    Thank you for adding me to your blogroll. I feel honored!

  8. I am so sorry for the loses you have had to endure, and hope that in the future, you are able to carry a precious bundle to term. -hugs-

  9. Thank you Brandi for being brave enough for putting your story out there so other woman can relate. I'm very sorry for your lost but each test we go through is a testimony. So I can't wait to hear your testimony from this test. I will continue to have you and your hubby in prayers.

  10. I am so sorry for your lost! I love your strength in sharing this story--you have a testimony! Thank you so much for visiting Peaceful Divas. I had a miscarriage myself and cannot image 2 of them. Praying for you.

  11. Im so sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing with us! Even though I've never gone through the pain of a loss, it's a valid, very real concern for me. Seeing your strength, and how you're able to talk about it, and be hopeful, and share your testimony with us, gives me hope that if were to go through the situation, maybe I would be able to find the strength to do the same!

  12. Wow..thank you so much for sharing your story and the research you did. This is such an important topic and I thank you again for being open and beginning this dialogue.

  13. Brandi,
    I’m so proud of you! and what you’re becoming.
    Always remember… Take it one day at a time, each day is a battle & each day is a victory...

  14. Brandi,
    My heart goes out to you with your journey for a baby. My husband and I had to do IVF to conceive and the emotional roller coaster was crazy. Thank you for your honesty and transparency...
    If you get a chance, check out my blog at
    and my facebook page at

  15. I hopped over from Blog Frog via describe your blog in 3 words. To have had all that happen in such a short time!! You are incredibly courageous. I know the written word does not really convey the feelings, but you seem to have taken it in stride and are optimistic instead of being pessimistic. It has to take a lot of courage to share all this with your readership and I admire you for it.

  16. it is so true. as a younger person i also believed that if you had sex you got pregnant. you never realize just how hard it is to get pregnant and to keep it. you are such a strong woman & i admire you for not allowing this to bring you down.

    enjoying your posts and looking forward to a lot more!

  17. Thanks for posting this, it is all too common. It took me and my husband two long years to concieve our firstborn, and in hindsight, it was supposed to happen that way. It's just hard to get through it when you are going through it! The only thing that got me through it was the comforting feeling from my Heavenly Father(and my husband and family and friends), and the assurance I had from lots of prayer to know that we would have the opportunity to raise children..but it wasn't on our watch. It took me a long time to realize that.
    Anyways, I thankfully never had to experience miscarriage, I can't imagine what you or your husband have gone through, and I wish for the best(a baby!). Lots of love!-Kelsey

  18. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure it was personal and painful to relive those moments. I am sure that for some who have read this, it has helped them know they are not alone. I wish you many blessings as you and your hubby continue on your journey to have your mini B&B :)

  19. i'm saddened by your story, but so happy you're not giving up. my 2nd and 3rd child are 10 years apart. ten years of unprotected sex. i can't tell you how shocked i was to find i was pregnant again. it all happens in its own time. just keep connecting, researching, being proactive. it will happen for you. and keep praying, God hears you.

  20. Wow Brandi you are so strong! I love your attitude! You will make a great mother!

  21. I am so happy for you...and let me tell you why! I know that you are going to have a baby very soon...I really do. I went through this about 11 months ago with one of my friends. The day she miscarried is the day she found out she was pregnant..two months later she found out she was pregnant again and although it was a very long road the Dr. has given her the green light to go into labor any day now. The baby is healthy and so is she. She had these same feelings after her miscarriage and I had no words for her..all I did was fall on my knees and pray. That's what I will do for you. James 5:16 The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. I'm done talking now...I'll go pray!

  22. Wow, thanks for sharing that. I haven't been through all the hardships that you have, but I do have a really hard time getting pregnant. It happened once (after trying for quite a while), so I'm praying it will happening again (it's taken longer so far). My sister lost a baby at 18 weeks, so I know how difficult that can be. I pray that you get a happy healthy baby very soon...and me too! :D

  23. What a blessing you are to share your journey to be a encouragement to someone else!!! I honor your honestly, your open heart & positive spirit. I also salute your Mr. for being your strength during those difficult times.
    I pray God's blessings to you & Mr. for your future heathly, happy, beautiful mini B & B's!!!