Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I Challenge Myself
Initially I started this blog as a personal outlet and to keep me focused on the wife and woman I want to remain. Often times we inadvertently lose ourselves in a relationship/marriage, therefore I want to subconsciously focus on remaining the person Mr. fell in love with. I lived in NYC for 8 years and although the Big Apple can be hard on some people, I embraced the city with open arms. I loved the sassy, confident and fashion forward diva I was in the city. Since moving to Chicago, I feel like my inner Diva needs to be unleashed. I looked in the mirror Sunday morning and did not know who that person was staring back at me. I realized all of these changes have taken a toll on me physically, from the chubby cheeks and giggly arms to the hideous muffin top. The last couple of months, I've used some survival tactics to help keep me sane. I constantly told myself that I’m strong, I’m only 29, I have more than enough time to be fruitful. Of course all of these statements are true; however, while I was trying to calm my inner beauty and mental state my outer appearance suffered. I decided to take back that sassy diva an instead of complaining about the problem, I’m tackling the problem and changing what I don't like. Monday I got up with a renewed sense of self. I knew it was then that I had to fight back and take control over my eating habits. I knew I had to become more active, work out and take care of my body. I decided to go to the lake front and jog. Less than 1 minute into it I was out of breath with strong heart palpitations and perspiration messing up my curls, I realized just how out of shape I was. It was at that moment that I challenged myself to not stop. I challenged myself to run for baby 1, 2 & 3 that I lost. I challenged myself to run for baby 4 that we will be blessed with. I challenged myself to run for my marriage. I challenged myself to run for this sexy dress I want to wear to the Broken Brown Egg A.H.A. Gala For Infertility Awareness. I challenged myself to run for myself... and I did just that. I jogged 1.5 miles that morning and when I came out of my trance I turned around and thought “Oh Crap (PG version)” I have to get back home. Tempted to hail a taxi but instead I continued to challenge myself. So I walked home and enjoyed the lakefront. I realized how truly blessed I am and how we often focus on the things that we don't have an never see the beauty of the things we do have. That decision to run on that Monday morning did a lot for me, it gave me a natural euphoria and a sense of accomplishment that I could get used too. Today I am unbelievably sore but with every ache and pain I smile. As I publish this post I am walking down to the gym, still challenging myself.