Tuesday, January 24, 2012

My Conversation

The test was positive!!! This is what we have been waiting for right, well ..yes, however if you have ever experienced a miscarriage or in my case several miscarriages the test showing positive brings a different set of emotions; anxiety, trepidation, uncertainty, apprehension just to name a few. When the test came out positive I swore I would not tell a soul, not even Mister. I felt if a miscarriage had happened that I wanted to go through the motions on my own. No pity party for me this time. It was so hard keeping this from my close friends. One of my girlfriends had found out she was pregnant three weeks after my positive test and it pained me not to tell her. But I wasn’t ready to share the news with anyone yet and I knew that she and my other friends would understand. I did eventually break down and tell Mister a few days later, I could not hold it from him even if I tried.

This time I decided I would do something different. You see normally I pray that whatever is in God’s will, shall be done; but this time I had a conversation with God. I asked him for exactly what I wanted. I asked for this baby to be properly implanted and safe in my womb for 9 months, I asked for a healthy, happy and let’s not forget beautiful baby. I asked for all of the worry and fear to be taken out of my heart and the remembrance of the pain of each loss to not attach those uninvited emotions to this pregnancy. I prayed for this strength every night and day and with each day that this baby remained in my womb I would thank God for allowing me to be a vessel to birth one of his children. Because of my high risk status this pregnancy was monitored weekly via sonogram from 5 weeks through 9 weeks and with every appointment I had a sense of confidence. I was able to watch this baby grow from a sac to a fetal pole with a heartbeat to an embryo and then onto a fetus. The miracle of birth never ceases to amaze me. This baby was conceived naturally a month after I had miscarried. We were scheduled to start IUI or Intrauterine Insemination in December; however this baby decided to implant on its own in October.

What are my emotions like now at 17 weeks, well I am thrilled. We are due July 4th and our 3 year anniversary is July 5th. What an awesome anniversary present! I still worry naturally of course but to help ease my anxiety Mister bought me a fetal Doppler. I listen to the baby’s heartbeat twice a day and what a wonderful sound it is. The sex will be confirmed on February 28th and I cannot wait. At our first trimester scan they did guess the sex; however it was just a guess! Although, I am hoping that the guess was right. There was one thing that I forgot to pray for and that was a comfortable pregnancy… but I guess that would have been pushing it.

12 comments:

  1. Holding back tears. SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS!!! No comfort, but it's all worth it.

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  2. This is such awesome news!!!! Praise God! I am SO very excited for you all, and am glad you are sharing this journey with us. xo

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  3. I'm so happy for you, dear! God bless and keep you and baby comfortable and healthy through this pregnancy. All is well!!!

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  4. Happy for you and GOD to continue to bless you and your family

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  5. I am sending you virtual hugs. I am so glad you opened your heart to God, because he always listens to us. I am HAPPY for you, God keep blessing you, baby and hubby :). All the best, a big hug. TOI :)

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  6. Congratulations!!! I will be praying for you!

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  7. Yes.. yes.. yes..The Creator is good and is always on time.. and words do have power and strength, so it is imperative that we are clear and detailed with what we are asking for. After my miscarriage.. I did the same.. I asked for what I wanted and stayed clear (for the most part) from negative thoughts and what if's.. I prayed for our "SUN" and what I prayed for manifested.. We are blessed and so are u.. Nothing more powerful and beautiful than a woman who wants to bear children and her prayers are answered.. U are a beautiful, beautiful mom.. Continued Blessings to you, your lil bundle of love and your family :) xoxo

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  8. Congrats!! So, happy for you all. Will be praying that you continue to have a safe and healthy pregnancy!

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  9. This is just so beautiful and so touching and powerful. Oh I am so happy for you. Congratulations and I'll be praying for your safe pregnancy and healthy happy baby!

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